Why?

I feel as if I’m incompetent when I’m alone. I can’t seem to motivate me to do anything. I sit around watch tv, play video games and that’s it. Why.. at the moment I can’t seem to make friends and i jut don’t like doing anything.. but why.. why don’t I like doing anything.

It’s not like I don’t like doing anything, but I just don’t feel like it. Maybe because I always expect me to do every ring perfect and if I don’t do it right I shouldn’t do it at all, at least that’s what I expect of me. Because of that I’m doing almost nothing trying to get myself doing something again and believing in myself again, but it’s not easy.

I’m so accustomed to that way of thinking that I don’t know how to change it. Theoretically I could only change it by stopping and finding another one which I would feel is more acceptable, but for me it’s not about how I feel, it’s about if it makes sense.

It doesn’t make sense to me to do things in a wrong way, but I also don’t want to take the time to make it right.

I’m just so fed up with myself, all I want to do is enjoy my life, why can’t I seem to be able to do that..

Maybe because it doesn’t make sense to me that I feel bad. What should I do now, I feel bad so I don’t do anything, if I feel bad I kist not like it, or do I?

I just want to let go of that anger and hate, against me and all the others.

Against me because I couldn’t be good enough, not the way I wanted to or the way others expected me to and against the others because they are different and they do other things and things work out differently for them.

I’m jealous. Jealous of everyone else for going ahead and just doing their stuff.

I don’t want to feel like that anymore, but I don’t know how to break that thought.

I need to find a way to take that thought and just make it seem illogical. Make it seem like the other way of thinking is the right one.

Maybe I should start concentrating more on myself and less on the others.. spent more time with me and like me for who I am.

If you read this whole thing up to this point you’re crazy, go let yourself get checked out because you’re also attractive as fuck.

Just kidding, have a good day.